Three reasons why Aliens don't like us

[Allcanadian]

@All
Today I was at work thinking which is what I do, not actual work but thinking at work and today I was not working nor thinking of work but moreso thinking why aliens don't like us. I came to the conclusion that there are three good reasons why aliens don't like us, the first is Bob, the second Signs of intelligence and the third Conversation.

The first reason aliens don't like us is Bob, Bob is the gun-totin neighbor who barely passed grade eight and supposedly buggered his sister. Bob is a man's man, an outgoing taurus who likes sports, guns, half-naked women, guns, breeding half-naked women who may not always fall under the catagory of "wife" or "spouse" and more sports and guns. Now Bob's problem is not really guns but the fact that he can't have enough of them and he tends to shoot first and ask questions later. Aliens don't like Bob because Bob is one of those guys that likes to kill things for sport or really any reason he can justify that is if you can justify killing as a sport not unlike basketball or cricket. His obsession with killing tends to spring from the fact that Bob must prove himself superior in whatever he does and killing something is an easy way to avoid silly things such as debate or even communication to prove himself worthy because dead things can't argue their point-- because their dead.
As well Bob has dreams of being a soldier and he would find great amusement in the latest fiasco in Iraq called "baiting" which is where a soldier places a small box on the side of the road with a few wires coming out of it and if anyone picks it up you shoot them dead in their tracks. You shoot them dead because it is a well known fact and quite obvious that anyone who picks up a small box with wires coming out of it must be a terrorist. As well the soldiers only "Bait" people in the dead of night when it is really hard to see because terrorists are scary and only scary things come out at night, you see the logic is infallible.
Now about Bob and the aliens, as I mentioned Bob likes to shoot and kill things that 1)scare him, 2)annoy him, 3)move, 4)that he doesn't understand or 5)are just there to shoot and kill. Aliens fall under all these catagories and people like Bob just naturally assume anything they don't understand must be a threat or a terrorist or a terrorist threat which is three times worse and as such it is quite natural for him to just kill it and ask questions later, not that they would answer any questions because he just shot them dead. Bob finds it much easier to understand things that are dead and our alien friends do not really like this fact, not at all, but the problem is that they cannot tell who is "Bob" and who is not thus they tend to assume anyone could be Bob which is why aliens don't like us.

The next reason aliens don't like us is Signs of intelligence now imagine I am an alien, not an illegal alien, but an alien to earth and I just spent a long time hurtling through deep space at the speed of light to come here and see the sights and make some new friends. However the first thing these friends do is fire a rocket packed with high explosives at my craft which is not very friendly. It would be easy enough to avoid this primitive weapon which amounts to little more than trying to throw a wet rag doll at a fighter jet but it is not a sign or any indication of intelligence when the first thing these silly creatures do is try to kill me. Next I enter the lower atmosphere and now there are air-craft flying towards me and they are also firing projectiles packed with high explosives at my craft. At this point I might wonder, are these silly creatures Bob?, because they are sure acting like him and I would simply throw the Zipon Flux hyper drive into high gear and get the hell out of there which is just common sense. At this point logic would suggest I leave and never come back but what the hell I have come half way across the universe to check this place out I may as well stay awhile. So I hit the dark side of the planet for a little more privacy and there in a small clearing of trees I see an actual human all alone. So I go down and hover above this curious creature to get a better look and hopefully make contact when all of a sudden the silly son of a bitch opens fire on my craft with his rifle -- it's our friend Bob. So I fire up the Zipionic tractor beam to block his nerve impulses so the little &#^%&%^ stops shooting at my craft and haul his sorry ass up to find out what his problem is. Here we find Bob, an intelligent man's man crying like a baby, screaming like a little girl and to make matters worse he just shit his pants-- wonderful. Now to be perfectly honest this wouldn't instill a great deal of faith in me that there is intelligent life on this planet you see intelligent creatures do not try to kill everything they do not understand, intelligent creatures do not assume the worst their imagination has to offer and go ape shit when something they do not understand attempts to make contact with them and this is why aliens don't like us.

The third reason aliens don't like us is conversation, now imagine Bob who has just shit his pants and reeks to high heaven finally stops crying and screaming and has comes to what little senses he may have -- what would we talk about? I have seen a great deal of the universe, I come from a peaceful civilization not preoccupied with killing each other with clean sustainable energy and technology a thousand years ahead of anything on earth. I have travelled light years at speeds I cannot even describe in a craft built of engineered materials which do not exist in nature and now Im supposed to hold a rational conversation with a being that is bound and determined to destroy it's planet, which kills each other without justification, breed like rabbits and to top it all off it just shit it's pants in my tricked out spacecraft -- WTF. Now what could we possibly have in common which would even warrant a rational conversation?, I imagine Bob would be too preoccupied with some twisted thoughts of anal probes in the back of my craft or possibly the sheer terror of the situation of losing control would have left what few neurons were actually firing on all cylinders in a state of limbo. In any case the common thread in most all alien encounters revolves around the fact that the person being "visited" generally loses all bodily functions and then goes ape shit not unlike a freaking caged animal which is not a very good way to start a relationship or hold a rational conversation and this is why aliens don't like us.

I have given this a fair amount of thought and come to the conclusion that this is not a good place for any alien beings to visit because we can say whatever we like but our actions tend to speak much louder than our words.
Regards
AC

[poynt99]

Nice essay AC.

Are you sure you aren't an alien?

.99

[Allcanadian]

@Poynt99
No, it was a super slow day at work so I decided to do my bi-weekly watching of the news for a couple hours -- that was a mistake. Then I slowly lost faith that we have the ability to make rational decisions any more, my god I have to wonder how everything got so screwed up. Most of what I saw on the news isn't sane not in any sense of the word so I think I have to stop watching the news, lol, especially CNN that is a complete waste of time - tabloid journalism in it's finest hour.
Regards
AC

[MileHigh]

This says it all:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043456/

Way ahead of its time.